The Chaotic Mother's Guide to Writing a Book

A year in writing .....

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Pre-order ‘Inheritocracy: It’s Time to talk about the Bank of Mum and Dad’ OUT IN SEPT

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The Chaotic Mother’s Guide to Writing a Book

It is done! I finally submitted all 90,000 words of my manuscript a fortnight ago and ever since then I’ve been horizontal, sitting in darkness trying to recover. Ok, I exaggerate.

When I had the idea for the book, I knew it would be a struggle. In this age of distraction and over-stimulation (and yes, children, relationships, life), I find it ever more difficult to concentrate, like really concentrate, of the kind that is required to focus on a big solo project. My previous book had taken three years, I knew I didn’t have that luxury this time around. I briefly entertained the idea of hiring a ghost-writer until I saw the cost and remembered I’m too much of a control-freak. For this endeavour, unlike others, I didn’t have a client breathing down my neck or even a hard deadline hanging over me. In other words, it was a project that was going to require an awful lot of personal motivation.

I thought it would be interesting (and who knows, maybe useful) to be transparent about how I was able to write 90,000 words whilst running a business, travelling for work, parenting children. Not least because in this era of information overshare, productivity is lauded but rarely explained, and others’ achievements appear on our feeds endlessly and seemingly without the posters themselves ever breaking into sweat or enduring hellishly late nights. Most productivity ‘hacks’ are not applicable to how most people live (especially anyone with children). The following is unique to me but I’m hoping there may be some universal truths here for anyone wishing to embark on something big.

1. I had A LOT of help

They say it takes a village to raise a child; well it takes a crew to write a book. It may only be my name on the front cover but the bare truth is that I received help from multiple sources; some I paid, some involved calling in favours. Yes, I knew I had to invest some funds in order to remain sane and to ensure my family did not disown me.

That meant that over the course of the year I recruited the help of one researcher, some adhoc support and a writing coach. I also roped in a friend who willingly read the manuscript and a husband who edited multiple times with a heavy red pen. And that is not to mention childcare that I relied upon which included the support of my mother, in-laws, my sisters and our nanny of seven years who does school picks four days a week. I don’t know whether to be proud or embarrassed by the fact that I haven’t cooked a meal in my kitchen all year, nor done any washing (and that is no exaggeration). My husband, a definite ‘does-band’, willingly stepped up. I also employed a Head of Operations on top of my PA to take over the day to day running of the business as well as a social media team to operate my accounts. This of course makes me insanely privileged, but it was also a commitment I made to myself: take a financial hit to protect my sanity. The goal was to dodge as much of my adult responsibilities as I could and concentrate on the manuscript. My circumstances were unique but the process is universal: the quest of asking ourselves what is in our calendar and to-do list and what can we remove or outsource?

2. Is there an app for that?

Is there anything more nauseating than a Millennial sharing their ‘deep work strategies’? Nope. Personally, I knew I had to find a method that worked for me. The first thing was discovering Notion which enabled me and others to build a Wikipedia for the book. Honestly, I can’t stress how good this application is for organising anything big. It is also super easy to use but also for others to contribute. Also, it instinctively feels creative rather than corporate. I also used Readwise for collating all my resources. I also needed A3 pads, a white board and endless supply of Sharpies.

Big surprise, my phone needed to be switched off and crucially put in another room. Sometimes I locked it in a drawer in another room. All unproductive apps removed. All computer notifications turned off. Email was only accessible by logging on and only then would I reply at the end of the day. I also made a list of ‘healthy distractions’ when I needed a break (mostly celebrity Architectural Digest YouTube). But the most important thing was discovering the pomodoro technique, committing to 40 minutes of completely uninterrupted concentration (not even loo breaks are permitted). I found that I was most productive listening to white noise (rain was best for writing, fire crackling sounds best for editing). None of this is logical, the point is that this is all unique to me, but I worked obsessively to find resources that worked with how I like to work.

3. Location, Location, Location

There is something about getting out of your usual surroundings to give you some perspective. That can mean working from bed rather than desk; something I do often, or anywhere else frankly. I made a conscious distinction between ‘business’ and ‘book’ the former I did from my home office, the latter I tried to find places that were conducive to writing. I googled cafes within a two mile radius of where I live which meant I could and did get my daily 10,000 steps in. I would create daily writing/cafe routes so as not to monopolise one space for too long. I was also fortunate to have three writing retreats, giving me the mental as well as a new physical space to write. Thank you Air B’n’B and Unique Homestays.

4. Diary-wise

You are either a lark or an owl. I’m the former but I also find it incredibly liberating writing after everyone has gone to bed (in my timezone anyway). It means fewer distractions and turning down of the noise. We all know about time-blocking; but as imperative as these blocks were, I also found writing ‘little but often’ was vital. Snatching 20 minutes before the kids woke up, in airport lounges*, whilst waiting for a friend or on the tube en route to an event proved invaluable editing time. I once spent one afternoon writing on the Circle Line doing a complete loop from Edgware Road.

*just don’t leave your laptop on an airplane as I did three weeks from the deadline.

5. Benign Neglect

Benign neglect is apparently the parenting trend of 2024. If that’s true, then that’s what I’ve been inadvertently modelling. I have spent most of the last six months sitting on the sofa in my living room with noise cancellation headphones in editing what my kids labelled ‘mummy’s story’ as they played around me. If they bickered I didn’t hear. I wasn’t always present, but I was always there….. (and yes, when it all ended in tears, I resorted to Netflix).

6. I wasted the first six months (or did I?)

I have met people who have completed projects in absurdly short times (30 days) and while I had originally envisaged this process only taking six months, I soon realised it would take double that. By Christmas I had the first five chapters but I was hating the process and the result. I was advised to ‘write the book I wanted to read’ and so set about completely rewriting what I had written….which was difficult. And it was only in the last six months it all began to fit into place. The key to unlocking that for me was actually reading other people’s work who I admired. But the real truth was that in any deep process nothing is wasted. All the stuff that ends up being edited out is vital in shaping the stuff that is kept in.

I also have a theory about doing a project of this kind at a certain time of year. I started the book in July in the heat of the summer but the writing reached full intensity in the dark, winter months - November to March. Like nature, nurturing something in Winter, but birthing something in Spring feels like it makes more sense. Just when you want to be hunched over a laptop in fingerless gloves drinking a pipping hot espresso, you are. The birthing analogy can be stretched a little further too; editing feels like one loooong labour.

7. Move

‘Sedentary lifestyle is the new smoking’ so we are told which is why the most important bit of kit I bought while writing the book was this. I spent an awful lot of time rolling on this and stretching out my body from too much sitting. As much as it was mentally exhausting, it was a physical endeavour too. I’m now at that rock n roll age when I talk about ‘getting in my daily steps’….. and know the next morning when I haven’t. A week before submission I went to the doctors who told me I had the Vitamin D levels of a 90 year old. ‘I’m writing a book; a lot of time inside!’ I replied sheepishly. I’ve committed the summer to doing nothing but walking in the sun….

The truth is now the creative process is over and the promotional process begins, I find myself mourning that time when it was just me and a Word doc. Still, I’m not convinced I (nor my family) will allow me to repeat the experience any time soon.

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Inheritocracy

Promo for Inheritocracy starts in earnest. This week I was speaking on Radio 4’s Free Thinking programme about generations and am featured heavily in this Daily Mail piece about intergenerational unfairness in the property market. Next week in between a flying trip to Geneva for Cisco, I shall be on the radiowaves promoting some exciting new polling we have commissioned from YouGov that reveals how much Britain thinks we live in an inheritocracy.

The Reading Room

1. The intention is a valuable one; to create a more honest and emotional dialogue with your kids than perhaps you had with your parents. But has the backlash against millennial ‘gentle parenting’ philosophy already begun? In trying to accommodate ‘big feelings’ are we creating little monsters? This article thinks so.

2. The Algorithmn will tease you now! This TikTok deserved to go viral; consider it a gentle reminder of the toxicity of social media and an explainer for all the social and cultural unrest of the last ten years.

3. What happens to knowledge workers if work is no longer about our knowledge?

4. As a postscript to the above TikTok, here is Noel Smith explaining the end of the beginning of the internet.

Thanks for reading

Eliza