Why the term Breadwinner is redundant

and the reality of the modern household

Photo by Matthew Lancaster on Unsplash

I grew up in a female breadwinner household. At times, I’ve been a female breadwinner myself. I’ve also been a ‘kept woman’ (as some would call it) and shared the load, part-time. Many of my friends are in dual-income households; some have multiple streams of revenue; some are living with their parents. One has returned to work after a 14-year hiatus, having had children, and is now out-earning her husband. One is working part-time and still reliant on her parents. Another is a single working mum living with her parents with a lucrative side hustle. Another is a single mum whose teenage daughter is earning a growing chunk of the household income. One is a male entrepreneur and chief carer for his children as his wife works as a nurse. In this 21st-century mosaic of financial arrangements, the term breadwinner - let alone male breadwinner - rarely makes sense anymore. 

Data across OECD countries from 2017 reflects this shift globally. It is only in Mexico and Chile where the male breadwinner model still predominates among couples with children. In the UK, the share of women earning the same as or more than their partner has tripled in 50 years. Female breadwinners now represent a quarter of households, up from a fifth 16 years ago. In recent years, dual-income households have become the norm, powered by a greater sense of equality but also out of sheer financial need. In this era of career (and job) uncertainty, let alone the cost of living crisis and sky-high housing prices, it is financially imprudent not to mention near-impossible for one person to carry the burden of the household finances. But increasingly households are unwilling to depend on salary alone. 

Our financial affairs are becoming as complicated and intricate as our personal lives. Financial fluidity is the 21st-century reality across all classes. Less a major river flow, rather multiple streams. According to a recent survey, more than 1 in 3 of us have more than one source of income. No wonder the Treasury is so keen to tax side-hustle earnings.

Intergenerational wealth transfers are also adding a complex layer. At least 30% of young adults receive at least one transfer gift from their parents and according to Savills; gifts and loans from the Bank of Mum & Dad totaled £8.8 billion in 2022. Rather than household income, it is perhaps wiser to talk about the collective pool of family wealth across two, maybe three generations. 

And yet, as family wealth increases in importance, individuals are more likely than ever to be economically independent as couples. Just 29% of millennial partners have a joint bank account compared with 59% of Boomers. This makes sense in the era of instant banking and increasing female financial empowerment and yet it also reflects the fact that financial fluidity is increasing with multiple partners over their lifetime rather than joining forces for life within a marriage. Those DINKS (double income, no kids) parading their holidays and savings ratios on TikTok are not new; even the phrase itself dates back to the 1980s. What is new is that whereas once couples saw cohabitation as a precursor to marriage, now people may live with multiple partners before marriage or settled partnership. 

The transformation in household earning dynamics is not without its challenges. Our workplaces and broader culture continue to peddle gender stereotypes, particularly around caregiving. This perhaps explains why female breadwinners are more likely to do the brunt of domestic chores despite being chief earners. Financial fluidity is also something that the government seems keener to tax than to support, be it in terms of childcare, side hustles, and yes, inheritance tax. Likewise, with respect to our workplaces, Boards are still full of mostly male breadwinners who do not understand let alone live the new household reality of their customers and employees. 

To address this new era of financial fluidity we need more flexible and part-time work for men. Less mum’s guilt and returner programmes for women; more financial products and services that reflect how people earn and live. More schools to phone dad not just mum when there is a crisis. In a whole host of areas, society needs to catch up with the gender-neutral intergenerational financial reality of how we now live. 

The Reading Room

1. State of culture 2024: ‘The fastest growing sector of the culture economy is distraction. Or call it scrolling or swiping or wasting time or whatever you want. But it’s not art or entertainment, just ceaseless activity. The tech platforms aren’t like the Medici in Florence, or those other rich patrons of the arts. They don’t want to find the next Michelangelo or Mozart. They want to create a world of junkies—because they will be the dealers.’ A brilliant summation of art, entertainment and culture in the age of distraction by author of 12 books and former Stanford lecturer, Ted Gioia.

2. AI girlfriends are here and contributing to the crisis of masculinity. I’m worried for my son’s maturity with these things and yes, somewhat prematurely as he is only six, but still.

3. If you haven’t seen or heard about OpenAI’s Sora announcement on AI video generation, this is the video to watch. It actually made me feel less scared and more optimistic about the whole thing. This will IMPACT every profession and every sector not to mention, upgrade our kids’ homework….

Recommendations

I’m knee-deep in book edits but here are some recs for those who have time or inclination…

1. WOMEN IN REVOLT! ART AND ACTIVISM IN THE UK 1970-1990 (Tate Britain, London)

   There’s no great art on show here (in my humble opinion) but a useful reminder of the radicalism of Second-Wave feminism and the degree to which that campaign was intersectional and across classes. Spot the baby boomer visitors viewing their past and Gen-Zers visit a foreign country: the 20th century.

2. This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life (out 20th Feb) Lyz Lenz. A radical portrait of millennial divorce in which Lyz Lenz describes the freedom and the radical future of being unwed. Given that 70% of divorces are initiated by women, this is a much-needed corrective on most divorce narratives.

   Coming Soon!

   The next season of my podcast It’s All Relative.

Thanks for reading

Eliza